PROTECT YOUR SELF

If I were to be asked intangible phenomenon, I value the most, it is my ‘self’. By that I mean my self esteem. I harp on this concept so much that I equate it with my self-pride. Sometimes it appears to me as self-worth.

Self-esteem is how much you like or appreciate yourself.  The concept is used in psychology to describe a person’s overall sense of self-worth or personal value. Bear in mind that self-esteem is completely subjective as well as enduring. In other words, it means different thing to different people. Your self-worth is determined by you alone.

Consequentially, you are the one to determine what constitutes a threat and how to deal with it.

My characteristic ‘self’ tolerates anyone throwing anything at me; niceties even shit. I tend to take things laying down. I can be stoic to a fault. I keep accommodating all sorts until a slight incursion into my inner territory makes me snap. I take it so long as it does not threaten my self-esteem.  Whatever actions that tends to be an affront on my person, I shade ever so sharply. As a matter of fact, I am transformed into a strange human being even in my own estimation. All my timidity flies out the wind.

A threat to my self-esteem brings forth my unpleasant, blunt side even as an introvert. That’s how much I treasure it. Many a time I walk away from situations without as little as a word of explanation to protect my ‘self’. A few times I walked away from jobs seeing as my sense of self is constantly touched, fingered, brashly attacked.

Make no mistakes a lot of people will be quick to explain away actions which amounts to attacking your ‘self’. It is left to you to figure out what’s more valuable. The relationship, the job or you.

In my estimation, one’s self esteem is worth guarding with every ounce of deliberate systematic action. Such responses will cost you. You may lose certain immediate benefits. You may initially feel bad yourself as it may be rude, seem audacious and possibly irrational. I can tell you that it cost me a whole lot sometimes. I lost a means of livelihood not once. I did walk away from constant salary, or a high probability of it, twice. The initial guilt of talking back at another person notwithstanding, I feel elated even today for those decisions. Truth be told, there were days I ask if it was worth it. the answer from deep within me is almost always a ‘yes’. In hindsight, I am glad I walked away with my head high. I am glad my ‘self’ is intact. Well… as intact as possible after so much bashing.

It is very true that you have to teach people how to treat you. failure to do so most likely will amount to disrespect of one’s self hence my recommendation of ‘self’ protection. Sometimes one has to be subtle about it. At other times, you have to stand up to disrespect. A few times, you may have to walk away to avoid major injury to your ‘self’. On rare occasions, especially when it has been tolerated over time and the 'inflictor' is used to walking all over the supposed victim, a combination of approaches becomes a necessity.

Choosing to hold a high opinion of your ‘self’ and project such, no matter what, is key to self fulfillment. If you believe in your abilities as a good and caring mother carry yourself so. Do not allow anyone make you feel otherwise. Anyone is free to try judge you but you have a voice to resist and value your abilities even if there is need for improvement. I have fellow ladies talk down on their peers for choices they make. Choices such as whether or not to wear hair long or cut it short, to wear trousers/shorts as a married woman, to be a career woman or work from home are individual decision and should be respected. It is baffling how a personal choice becomes a subject of debate. Someone who is not my husband’s wife should not tell me I am not “full length wife material” because my husband cooks on Saturdays. My friend whose boyfriend dictates her movement should not make me feel less worthy if that does not happen in my relationship.

Be as kind and considerate with yourself as you do other people. We tend to beat ourselves harder than we do other people. Take comments about how you handle your sick child with a pinch of salt as long as you adjudge yourself doing the best you can. A typical example is harsh comments about administering herbal mixture or orthodox medicine to infants. You are not a negligent mother if you do not give your child every suggested mixture. Stand by your decision.

Cut yourself some slack. Everyone has their faults. We all make mistakes.

Do things for your happiness too. While you play the role of mother, wife, girlfriend, sister remember to be happy for yourself. Your happiness should not always stem from other people’s happiness. Schedule your facials. Take that swimming lesson if that makes you happy. Do not feel guilty about it.

One thing you should avoid is down playing your ‘self’ just for the good of others. It is an opinion of your ‘self’ which can never be wrong. Other people in your life cannot define it for you. it is your responsibility. In the same vein, you should not allow any relationship or situation influence your opinion of your ‘self’. That could be injurious in the long run.

Stay ‘self-full’

Soft Steel